today is one
Written on 16 April 2004 at 8:58 a.m.

I have days when I wish I hadn't done this whole medical school thing. I think I should have been a preschool teacher like I contemplated for awhile (got all the paperwork to change my major to early childhood education, then didn't fill it out.) Could I have helped kids more by teaching them and setting a good example and giving them plenty of attention and affection every day? Not that it's easy to do that in a preschool with all those kids but yeah. I would have been working for three YEARS though, not had five more years to go before I had my actual permanent job. And I wanted to work with kids from low-income families so I would have probably been frustrated with my lack of resources, etc. And we probably could never pay our bills. But we can't anyway. But am I really going to do anybody any good in this profession????

Yesterday there were so many babies at the shelter and we did all their exams and everything but then I just wanted to stay and hold them and feed them and whatnot. But that's not my job.

Anyway I'm rambly and broody and I think it's going to be one of those days where I look for other jobs online and imagine myself in other careers and then do nothing about it.

I have lots of those days. My bad moods are repetitive. I have the "I hate my job" bad mood, the "why don't I have a baby?" bad mood. That's basically all, really. Except sometimes I have both bad moods at once. For variety.

Okay I'm done typing.

xoxo