repetition
Written on 21 April 2004 at 11:27 a.m.

When when when. Will my inner thoughts be about something other than "Should we try to have a baby?" This is getting very tiresome. I just want to not think about babies at ALL for maybe like. A week. Or something. Difficult when you go to a children's hospital every day and all your reading assignments are on pediatrics but yeah. Plus I'm on the freaking newborn chapter of all things. Which tells me comforting facts like "A mother of age 45 has a 1 in 8 chance of delivering a baby with chromosomal abnormalities." Fantastic. I mean yeah there's a long way between 26 and 45 but I feel like by waiting I'm becoming "advanced maternal age." Getting older and older and older with sad, mutated eggs. But I'm also more and more convinced that I want to stay home and raise the babies MYSELF at least until they're four or five. Which I can't do for awhile.

Okay I want to stop thinking about it, yet I'm typing about it. Not helpful.

Jason might be going back to college in the fall, also. To finally finish. If we can afford it. Anyway.

We talked about all this stuff, the on-call stuff, etc. And he said "I think you know it's not the right time."

Why does he have to be right?